tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16882698243569708622024-03-05T07:52:05.049-08:00The Langston FamilyChellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.comBlogger193125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-56439358320226845192013-10-09T01:46:00.001-07:002013-10-09T01:46:22.393-07:00Back to 2 Kids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Playing "castles" they play so well together for the most part. </div>
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Showing off his new hair cut. <br />
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Playing with Journey. <br />
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Redneck water slide. <br />
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First day of Pre-School. <br />
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Daysha's Birthday Party<br />
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Using their chore money...<br />
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Library time with Rylin. <br />
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Journey's Birthday Party<br />
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<br />
Thomas' Birthday Party<br />
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Watching Daysha and Kian while their mom has a much needed vacation. <br />
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Toquerville Falls. It was beautiful. <br />
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Being silly<br />
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-72720827791091918862013-10-03T15:11:00.000-07:002013-10-03T15:11:04.863-07:00Summer Time with 4 Kiddo's <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
We have 2 more kids who joined our foster family. Just in time for the summer. </div>
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Playing at the park. We had so much fun together</div>
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This was the kids favorite park they would always ask to go to the "Clifford" park. <br />
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Kolob Canyon: Clayton had another Saturday off so we enjoyed ourselves and went to Kolob and went fishing. <br />
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The water park once again. We can't get enough! <br />
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Grandpa's Birthday. He's getting to be an old man. The kids love seeing him and Grandma. <br />
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Silly, Silly Boys! Backwards and up to the belly button. I call this payback for all the times they were stinkers! Hahaha sweet revenge :)<br />
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Playing in the sprinklers at the park. <br />
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Another park with a splash pad. My camera lens was dirty sorry for the blurry pics. <br />
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On our way Camping! <br />
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They loved camping, but Jude and Shaina weren't sure about the smoke. These kids have never been camping. They thought it was the "bees knees". Loved going on the boat, and fishing, and smores, and 4-wheeling. Can't beat a fun time with 4 crazy kids. <br />
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You know about that payback I talked about earlier...yeah... Payback!! Haha<br />
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Catching water snakes while camping. <br />
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Rylin came over to play. <br />
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Splash park with Hillary and her kids. <br />
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Carousal rides. They loved this! <br />
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Look at that handsome boy! <br />
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Another poop photo. The first time I took a pic of his poop because it was such a huge feat but now he thinks every poop is picture worthy. Also he poops with his feet on seat and then lets the poop plop down. So weird...but hey whatever works. <br />
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Grandpa has a new puppy. It's another Boxer, they named her Roxy. The kids are in love and maul her all the time. <br />
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Boating with Grandpa. Love the beautiful scenery! The kids enjoyed it and didn't want to get off the boat. Thomas is so great in the water and isn't afraid of anything. Good thing we have a good lifejacket for him. <br />
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The STG city pool. Everyone from Clayton's family got together and we all had a big pool party. The kids had a blast and it kept them busy for the whole day. <br />
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Another splash park. We go to the park at least 5 times a week. It's perfect to get all their energy out, plus it's nice for me connect and play with them. <br />
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River day. We decided to switch it up and go down to the river. <br />
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Thomas' Grandma Great's cupcakes. Enjoying them while at the park. <br />
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Father's Day. The kids helped me put together this awesome Father's day gift. He is absolutely the most amazing Dad there is. He works so hard everyday, he loves these kids, plays with them, takes them out to do fun things. He is absolutely amazing. I scored big when we tied the knot. <br />
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We had been talking a lot about the temple so after we took Shaina to group we took the 3 kiddo's to see it. <br />
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Another park day. </div>
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Shaina got upset we went to the temple without her so we decided one day after group to go there. (nothing's ever as simple with Shaina tagging on). It was not as fun as the time before. <br />
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After library time we went to see our baby. The kids are showing off their amazing masks. <br />
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Breakfast time. Thomas has both legs in the same leg hole. That's the reason for this picture. <br />
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Summit Pool party. There were so many people but it was fun and all the kids had a blast. This was right before our reunion started so Stacey, and Janet and my parents all came too. <br />
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It's exhausting being a kid and playing all day :)<br />
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Reunion time at Grandpa's house. <br />
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Another Carousal ride. <br />
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Clayton playing toys with the kids. They love playing and especially love it when Daddy plays with them. <br />
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Fourth of July and continuation of the reunion. <br />
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They found a ground snake. <br />
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Lake time for the family reunion.<br />
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Waiting for the truck to be done (Shaina kicked in the ac vent, she's a pure joy...NOT)<br />
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Playing in the rain. We were on our way to a visit and it started pouring rain so we took advantage and played in it for a min. <br />
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River time again!</div>
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The rain made a HUGE puddle at the park so we decided to go and enjoy the weather. It didn't take long for all the kids to get soaking wet. <br />
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The Candy store. They think it's so fun to use the money they earned doing chores to go and buy old fashioned candy. Love teaching them fun ways to be responsible. <br />
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Another payback photo. Another day on the lake. <br />
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Finally some time with just Arianna and Thomas. They love each other and Thomas is always looking after his little sister. It's been nice having Shaina and Jude because Thomas and Arianna have learned to have each other because they have each other. <br />
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I love this picture. Times like this make me realize why we are doing Foster Care. Sometimes I wonder what the world I was thinking, but knowing im here to create some good memories while they are away from their parents helps ease the craziness. <br />
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<strong>Jeep ride and hike to the "crystal city".</strong> </div>
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Camping time again. This time we went to Tropic and Bryce Canyon. We went with Clayton's family and Brother. The kids had a lot of fun playing with all the other kids and it was nice for me not to entertain them every second (like our previous campout). <br />
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<strong>Fun times around the house.</strong> </div>
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Washington County Fair. Petting Zoo and fun rides (I can't believe how much money paying for 4 kids to ride rides would cost). Dang they don't pay me enough!! <br />
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Playing in Granny's tree after Sunday Dinner. This was the day before Jude and Shaina left. We had a big going away party for them. It was sad to see them go but I knew it was for the best. <br />
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WELCOME baby PAISLEY. She came safe and sound and beautiful. Arianna's obsessed over her and calls all her babies at home Paisley. It's so crazy because she was conceived right around the days that December passed. Paisley doesn't look anything like her parents or her big sister, she actually looks a lot like December. I love how she reminds me of my sweet angel waiting for me up above. <br />
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Salt Lake Trip. We went to Toys R Us and the kids were in HEAVEN. <br />
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Riding Uncle Justin's pony. Their pony is so good and gentle. I can't even tell you what going to SL without Shaina was like. It went from pure Hell to peaceful and amazing in a matter of hours after she left. I'm still amazed how one little girl can have that many issues and make life miserable for everyone around her. I feel so bad for her and I will never understand how God allows for these kids to go to certain homes and then not allow children to enter others. I hope that this fostering thing is really what we are suppose to be doing. This is so ridiculously hard to change their behaviors and help them immensely just to give them back to the people who messed them up. UUGGHH Ok vent over. <br />
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-65647364075994384612013-10-03T09:41:00.001-07:002013-10-03T09:57:09.586-07:00Spring Fun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Spring is here and we are so excited to be outside enjoying the beautiful St. George weather. </div>
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<strong>Easter Camping. Thomas' first time.</strong></div>
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Cade's First Birthday Party. The girls wanted to wear dresses and pretty hats. <br />
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All 3 kids ready for the day. <br />
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Fun at the splash park<br />
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Thomas' Buzz Lightyear suit. He was very excited about it.<br />
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My little helpers. Now that Thomas is doing well and thriving emotionally and socially (after lots of work and reinforcement) He loves to help with Arianna. <br />
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Fun down by the river with Arianna, Journey and Thomas. <br />
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The KITE FESTIVAL. We went there with Grandma and Grandpa. Arianna and Thomas had a blast. <br />
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Flying the kites with (the big tummy) Grandpa, as Thomas calls him. <br />
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Library time. We go every week to story time, they have a fun craft and then we go pick out books that we can read throughout the week. <br />
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Practicing how to ride bikes with safety first protection. <br />
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Reading books on Arianna's bed. They love books. We love it when Journey comes over to play for the day. <br />
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Kambria's Birthday party. Ryder's little sister turns 1. Such a fun party.<br />
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Little Munchkins eating breakfast. So thankful to wake up to these 2 happy kiddo's. <br />
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Craft time. </div>
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Splash pad once again. It was a regular on our summer schedule. <br />
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I love this picture. the above is the day before we got his glasses fitted to his face and a handsome hair cut. Look at the difference a hair cut and glasses did to make him look so much older. Handsome little man. Eating breakfast outside. Enjoying the perfect weather. <br />
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Fun new park with Journey, Arianna and Thomas. This was by far one of my favorite parks we went to on our "park tour" over the summer. <br />
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FIRST TIME POOPING in the toilet. He was so proud of himself. He decided to start using the toilet to urinate but had a hard time with pooping. After much hype and a poop song he finally decided it was ok. I'm SOOOO flippin happy to not change nasty 4 year old pee and poop. I can't even explain how disgusting it was, and to top it off he wouldn't allow you to wipe him. So it made for an awesome time every diaper changing time. <br />
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New underwear for pooping in the toilet. I'm so proud of this amazing boy and the strides he has made in all areas of his life. <br />
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Seriously Thomas has turned a 180 degree turn. In just 2 short months he has: <br />
- gotten rid of his diapers<br />
- He is ok with smells of "real" foods (when I cook he no longer holds his nose and tells me it is stink)<br />
- He is ok with foods that he doesn't like, being on the table. (we no longer have a "freak" out. Yay!!) <br />
- He is even comfortable enough to start trying new foods. <br />
- He is fine letting me wipe him (after he tries to wipe himself) This use to be a huge battle. <br />
- He no longer hurts Arianna when he gets mad. (He use to hit and kick and scratch and bite her whenever he got upset.) <br />
- He no longer has crazy moments where he screams and yells and I try to help him and he just bites me and scratches my face and spits at me and tries to hurt me. (Huge success there).<br />
- We are working through his feelings and how to handle them<br />
- He is playing well with other kids (he was ok with this but NOT at sharing)<br />
- He has learned that he needs to communicate to help him through his problems and to get what he wants or needs. ( he was VERY hard to understand and couldn't speak very well at all, Arianna had a better vocabulary and clarity to her voice then him). <br />
- His overall behavior has changed drastically. I am no longer embarrassed to take him shopping. He doesn't run as fast as he can and then hide as soon as you let go of his hand. Or throw huge fits when he doesn't get what he wants. He knows that what I say I mean and if he chooses to act a certain way he has certain punishments that go along with it. <br />
- He is so fun and enjoyable now. Instead of feeling like I'm going to tear my hair out we have tons of fun and he knows there is a time to be silly, a time to be serious and a time to play. <br />
- He no longer has boundless amounts of energy. At first I thought he had ADHD but it was just a lack of structure and outside time because he is fantastic now. <br />
- There are so many other huge marks of improvement but i'm running out of time, but you get the picture. Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-88991741921236875832013-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:002013-10-02T16:50:07.697-07:00The month of MARCH Thomas has been with us for a few weeks now. He has come out of his shell and is turning into a very amazing young man. He loves to go to the park and loves to go out and play. I have had to up my caffeine intake to keep up with him. He goes and goes and doesn't slow down. <br />
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Thomas and I before church. The first time we went to church he ran around the building 3 times during sacrament (after I took him out for crawling underneath everyone's chairs and running down the hallway). As soon as I stepped out of the culture hall he took off running inside the building. Looking back to see if I was running after him (which I wasn't). He kept running and running as I took a seat on the couch. I could see that me sitting there not caring that he was being a "wild man" didn't make him stop so I hid and caught him and wouldn't let him go until he could calm himself. What in the world did I get myself into!! Aaaahhh!! </div>
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<strong> MY LIFESAVER!!!</strong></div>
This behavior chart has been my ultimate lifesaver. I can't even explain how important it has been to help Thomas see what's expected of him. What's ok to do and what's absolutely NOT ok to do. He is very excited to start it and wants to start right away. So how it works:<br />
* They receive 5 cards at the beginning of each day<br />
* They get them taken away and given back for each good or bad act they do throughout the day.<br />
* At the end of the day if they have all 5 cards on the chart they receive a sticker<br />
* When they earn 10 stickers they receive a "prize"<br />
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This is the BEST way I have gotten Thomas to see that I'm serious (I always do what I say) and he NEEDS to listen to me. Nothing else was working but this little chart has been awesome. Plus I don't need to nag, if something's wrong he knows a card will be pulled. <br />
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One of the very few foods he actually eats! Banana's! <br />
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This is where I found these two playing. It was so cute I couldn't even be mad at them. We did have a talk after words about how the dryer is NOT a safe place to play, luckily the talk stuck and they haven't played in there since. <br />
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Fishing! Clayton had a Saturday off (yay) and we invited our friends to join us. The kids caught 2 or 3 fish and the adults didn't catch any. They all had fun playing together and getting wet in the stream. I think it was Thomas's first time fishing because he was loving every second of it. Altho I was a little worried about him saying "lets hurt it" after Clayton caught the fish. Just a little creepy...<br />
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Fun times in our backyard with Jackson and Cade<br />
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It's Here!! Our baby girls headstone has arrived. It's so perfect and beautiful. I got these 2 little cuties to join me for a picture. I'm so happy to have a headstone to decorate instead of a patch of grass. Love seeing my babies memories live on. We visit it weekly. </div>
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-52141921648194667942013-06-09T20:49:00.002-07:002013-06-09T20:49:59.494-07:007 Month'sIt's been 7 month's I can't believe it! <br />
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The last few months have whizzed by, probably because I have been so busy I can't even think straight. It's amazing how at the beginning of each month I start to miss December even more and whish with all my heart she could be here. <br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">There is no stronger, or wiser mother, then the mother's who had to give their child(ren) back.<br /><br /> We are strong in so many ways, some days we feel as though that we are weak, But we are weak in our hearts , because we have a piece of it missing, we however are not weak in our minds, because we have to live through each & everyday with out our children & we will NEVER know why.<br /><br /> Our children do not <span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span></span><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">sleep in cribs, they sleep on clouds. They do not play on playgrounds they play on the moon & stars. We are so blessed as to the time that we spent with our babies whether it was days in the womb or days at home, WE ARE BLESSED, because even though we feel our child(ren) should be here, they are in the most BEAUTIFUL place you could ever imagine.<br /><br /> God NEEDED my baby for something better & that is the very thought that I think of when I'm sad or down. Don't get me wrong, I MISS MY BABY dearly, But my baby was needed for bigger & better things, & I have come to terms with that in my stage of grief. I stopped asking "WHY" , Because I will never know, & for whatever reason that God needed my child back, I know it was for the best reasons.<br /><i class="_4-k1 img sp_3hvnuf sx_258977"></i><br /><br /> God bless every angel mother, father, grandmother, & grandfather.<br /><br /> -Megan</span></span></span><span class="text_exposed_hide"><span class="text_exposed_link"><a data-ft="{"tn":"e"}" href="http://www.blogger.com/null"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">See More</span></a></span></span></div>
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<span class="UFIBlingBoxTimeline"><span>The above is from a group of angel mom's on Facebook. I thought it was perfect and exactly how I feel. </span></span></div>
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Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-72263686293559724832013-06-02T21:54:00.000-07:002013-06-02T21:54:11.208-07:00Mr. Thomas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is the first day we meet Thomas. We were so surprised to see he had RED hair. We make fun of my brother and sister with red hair constantly so they were happy about his hair color. <br />
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The boy loves his corn dogs! <br />
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I found this nice throw up from Storm after Thomas and Storm were in the same room together... hummm... luckly this hasn't happened since. We had a nice long talk about being nice to animals. <br />
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Justin and Brittany came to St. George the same weekend Thomas was here so we did a lot of fun things. This is us having fun at the sand dunes. <br />
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Thomas is so fun and easy to get along with. He has his fair share of "issues" mostly dealing with touch ie: combing hair, brushing teeth, changing diapers, going to the bathroom, clipping nails, putting on lotion, using soap, cleaning out scrapes, taking naps. Whenever we try to do these "normal" things it turns into a full on break down with lots of anger and fear. Poor kiddo. He also doesn't like to listen and he hides and has ran away a few times. It's been real fun :)<br />
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Arianna and him get along so well and have so much fun together. When Thomas wakes up in the morning Arianna always smiles at him and says "Hi Thomas" and is so happy to have him at our home. <br />
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Fishing with Curt and Hannah. <br />
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Having fun in the backyard. This kid loves to play. He has so much energy I'm having to drink a daily Dr. Pepper to keep up with him. <br />
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While he was visiting his mom we went and saw December's headstone. It looks perfect and I was so excited to see it on her grave site. <br />
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We started a new behavior chart. They have 5 cards at the beginning of the day and then depending on their behavior the cards get taken away and given back. If they have 5 cards at the end of the day they get a sticker and after they get 10 stickers they get a prize at the store. This is the only way I have been able to get him to listen to me and do what I say. He loves the idea and is doing AWESOME with it. Arianna is having fun tagging along for the ride. <br />
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Playing in the sink having so much fun. <br />
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Little monkey loves him some banana's. <br />
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Playing in the dryer... not the safest place to play but hey they are having fun. <br />
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It's done! It looks perfect and beautiful. Love and miss my sweet angel. <br />
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-510676810396704992013-06-02T20:48:00.000-07:002013-06-02T20:48:00.864-07:00Catch- Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So I have been out of the loop for a while. I will start with all these photo's I have of Arianna. </div>
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We were cleaning up our house and re-organizing our rooms when I found December's swing. Arianna was so happy about it and while I was working outside she came in and got her blanket and her baby doll bottle and climbed in the swing herself and fell asleep. I'm so glad she loves naps. Night time is a different story but naps are awesome. Precious little one. </div>
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This was for Clayton's b-day. We went to Applebees with our little miss.<br />
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She's giving daddy kisses. <br />
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Shopping at Old Navy. Clayton HATES hats so we just had to get a picture of this hat. <br />
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Arianna and Journey having so much fun together. They are best friends. <br />
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Trying on some sweet glasses<br />
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We straightened her hair and this was the result. What a cutie! Seriously so flippin cute!<br />
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Arianna and Ryder going for a stroller ride. (with their sunglasses)<br />
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Park time with Journey<br />
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She loves Costco pizza!<br />
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Arianna and Cadders! She loves babies. <br />
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Bath time! Little cuties!<br />
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Park time<br />
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Loving on Storm. <br />
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Driving her power wheels. She's can barley reach the peddle now. <br />
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The rest are of her birthday party. I took most the pics with my phone but didn't get pictures from my phone till just now so this is the fun we had on Nov. 22nd. <br />
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Aunt Kayleigh made these amazing turkey cupcakes. Arianna LOVED them. <br />
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Cutest little girl. <br />
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The first time I started watching Journey again. We went to the park then to see December. Love these little ones. <br />
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The girls at Decembers Grave site before the headstone. We got this cute little tree to put on her grave. <br />
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Eating at Olive Garden.<br />
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Loving on baby Sawyer when Amber was down for Christmas. <br />
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Arianna and Sienna. Some of the cutest little girls around. This is my cousin Kristen's baby girl. They are only a few months apart. <br />
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We went on a trip to SL with grandma and grandpa. We stayed with Justin and Brittany and had lots of fun. Went to Scheels and the CIRCUS. It was amazing and we had a BLAST. <br />
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Elephant Ride!<br />
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Pony ride. <br />
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Circus with grandma and grandpa. <br />
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Kids and their games these days. <br />
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Every time Arianna's sleeping it reminds me of December so bad... especially when she has her mouth open like this. Probably because they look so much alike and the only way I got to see December was with her eyes closed and her mouth open. I miss my sweet baby so bad. <br />
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I told her to smile and this is what I got. Haha silly girl. <br />
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Love this little lady! Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-6691359800096307852013-05-08T21:08:00.000-07:002013-06-02T21:21:24.618-07:006 Month's<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's mother's day this month and also my 6 month mark since loosing Decmeber. Needless to say it's been hard. </div>
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I love this preggo picture with the scripture. <br />
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Doing foster care makes this above quote stick so much more. It's sick to think how many people take for granted and don't like their own children. And then you have people who would do anything for any child. The world is full of opposites. <br />
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This above is my FAVORITE. Seriously the hardest thing you have to do as a mother. <br />
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Before Arianna came along I use to DRED mother's day I felt like I didn't "deserve" to be recognized. It hurt to bad to see all the other moms get mother's day flowers and me get passed over on Sunday. I would be a complete and utter mess without Arianna. She is my little ray of sunshine and makes everything better. This mother's day I know because of my December Grace I'm a mother over and over again, more then I ever thought possible. I just hate that she had to die to get me learn these things. </div>
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Sorry for the overload of quotes this month but I found SO many great ones. <br />
Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-63527812629344561782013-04-08T21:07:00.000-07:002013-06-02T21:07:58.960-07:005 Month's<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love this picture. It captures the emotions so well! I cry every time I look at it. <br />
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This is how I felt for the longest time and I'm finally breaking out of my cacoon. I just hope i'm the person God is leading me to be. This is the hardest thing to have to live through. It hurts so bad.<br />
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We have a wall in our hall dedicated for December and when I look at it I have this feeling. I just want to hold her one more time. I want to give her one more kiss. But it's like that country song "One more sunset baby I'd be sattisfied, but then again I know what it would do, leave me wishing one more day with you". Uggh a whole lifetime is too long to wait! </div>
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Haha totally me! My motto lately "fake it till you make it". Also why do we ask people "how are you" when we really don't care? It bugs me so bad. If you don't REALLY care about how i'm really doing just say "HI" that's what the word is for. <br />
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-12150834356259152002013-03-24T13:43:00.001-07:002013-03-24T13:43:27.299-07:00Life Sprinkled With Glitter: Coin Chart: Behavioral & Financial plan for your 2-6 year old THIS REALLY WORKS!Trying this out! I'm excited and know it's going to work wonders!! <br />
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<a href="http://lifesprinkledwithglitter.blogspot.com/2012/03/coin-chart-behavioral-finance-chart-for.html?m=1">Life Sprinkled With Glitter: Coin Chart: Behavioral & Financial plan for your 2-6 year old THIS REALLY WORKS!</a>Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-72039002458105822042013-03-11T05:21:00.000-07:002013-03-11T05:21:01.430-07:00He Lost His Baby Too<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love this poem. It couldn't be put more perfect. I feel so sorry for Clayton, not only did he have to start working right away but he has to endure the horrible, stupid, assinine things people say. I think people know better then to say stupid things to me, I'm not afraid to put them in their place. But because he's a "man" they think it's ok to say "well it's way better that she died she probably would have had major problems" or "that's Darwinism at it's best" or "she will find another body that suits her better" or "you guys can try again" or "is Michelle still sad (after 3 weeks)" I could go on and on. And these are only the ones he tells me about, I think he has stopped telling me about them all. <br />
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Anyone who knows Clayton... really knows him. Knows he is the kindest, sweetest, most caring person to children. Even with all the miscarriages I wasn't aware how much it affected him until he started talking to me. All these children I have lost aren't just mine they are his too (technically half his, half mine) 23 and 23 makes a perfect 46 human being. <br />
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Why is it that men get no sympathy? Why is it that very few people ask "how's Clayton?" He is hurting just as much as me and he has to put on this act like "it's no big deal loosing your child over and over again and with December having her soooo close it just hurts that much more. <br />
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In my "community of other MOO's their babies are born as eartly as 25 weeks, they have the large umbilical hernia and even with them being that premature most of them pull through and have normal healthy lives. I am led to believe that each of us has a "time" just as the scriptures say "to each time there is a season." It just hurts so bad when loved ones die. But that's exactly how it's suppose to be. Hurting deeply means we loved deeply and how sad would the world be if we didn't love eachother deeply? I keep replaying Joseph and Emma Smith in my brain and through our trials I have learned to love and respect them even more. <br />
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Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-46445663245658547342013-03-11T04:05:00.004-07:002013-03-11T04:05:40.766-07:00President Hinkley<div class="storyInnerContent">
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Love this amazing man and his words!!</span> <br />
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<span class="userContent">"Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart." - Gordon B. Hinkely<br /> </span></div>
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<img alt=""Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart." - Gordon B. Hinkely
<3 Him!!" class="img" height="264" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/s480x480/155969_10151470023403340_774807522_n.jpg" width="398" /><br />
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<img alt="5 years ago today Gordon B. Hinckley passed away. Like and share this quote to remember this great prophet. One of the most optimistic leaders who ever lived." class="img" height="162" src="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s480x480/552662_10151384225171940_514106821_n.jpg" width="398" />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-51700619937049783032013-03-08T04:02:00.000-08:002013-03-11T04:02:48.338-07:004 Month's <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Wow I can't believe it's been 4 month's since my entire world changed. I can't believe 4 month's ago I was holding my sweet baby girl in my arms and asking God WHY??? This is how I feel so much of the time. I want so bad to hold her and see her again. I still keep praying for a dream of her to keep me going but so far it hasn't been granted. <br />
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This is how I feel everyday! I can't explain how much I want to have her with me. It hurts so bad to look at the empty crib and not have her in it. I know this is a selfish desire because I know she is in a much better place (and in some aspects I'm jelous that she got to pass over this wretched world). Which is funny. I was reading in the 3rd chapter of Job and this is exactly what he was saying. I have never noticed it before but here it is: <br />
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Chapter 3</span></strong></div>
<div class="summary">
<strong>Job curses the circumstances of his birth—He asks, Why died I not from the womb?</strong></div>
<div class="verses" id="0">
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.1">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="1"> </a><span class="verse">1 </span>After this opened Job his mouth, and <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker><span style="color: black;">a</span></marker></sup><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote0" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=1a"><span style="color: black;">cursed</span></a><span style="color: black;"> his day.</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.2">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="2"><span style="color: black;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">2 </span>And Job spake, and said,</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.3">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="3"><span style="color: black;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">3 </span>Let the day <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote1" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=3a"><span style="color: black;">perish</span></a><span style="color: black;"> wherein I was <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>b</marker></sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote2" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=3b"><span style="color: black;">born</span></a><span style="color: black;">, and the night <span class="clarityWord">in which</span> it was said, There is a man child conceived.</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.4">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="4"><span style="color: black;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">4 </span>Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.5">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="5"><span style="color: black;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">5 </span>Let darkness and the <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote3" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=5a"><span style="color: black;">shadow of death</span></a><span style="color: black;"> stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.6">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="6"> </a><span class="verse">6 </span><span class="clarityWord">As for</span> that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.7">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="7"> </a><span class="verse">7 </span>Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.8">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="8"> </a><span class="verse">8 </span>Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.9">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="9"> </a><span class="verse">9 </span>Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark; let it look for light, but <span class="clarityWord">have</span> none; neither let it see the dawning of the day:</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.10">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="10"> </a><strong><span class="verse">10 </span>Because it shut not up the doors of my <span class="clarityWord">mother’s</span> womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes.</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.11">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="11"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">11 </span><span style="color: magenta;">Why <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote4" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=11a"><strong><span style="color: magenta;">died</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: magenta;"> I not from the womb?</span> <span class="clarityWord">why</span> did I <span class="clarityWord">not</span> give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.12">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="12"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">12 </span>Why did the <span style="color: black;">knees <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote5" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=12a"><strong><span style="color: black;">prevent</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;"> me? or why the breasts that I should suck?</span></strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.13">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="13"><strong><span style="color: black;"> </span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">13 </span>For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,</span></strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.14">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="14"><span style="color: black;"> </span></a><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">14 </span>With kings and counsellors of the earth, <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote6" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=14a"><span style="color: black;">which built desolate places</span></a><span style="color: black;"> for themselves;</span></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.15">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="15"> </a><span class="verse">15 </span>Or with princes that had gold, who filled their houses with silver:</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.16">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="16"> </a><strong><span class="verse">16 </span>Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been; <span style="color: magenta;">as infants <span class="clarityWord">which</span> never saw light.</span></strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.17">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="17"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">17 </span>There the wicked cease <span class="clarityWord">from</span> troubling; and there the weary be at <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote7" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=17a"><strong>rest</strong></a><strong>.</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.18">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="18"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">18 </span><span class="clarityWord">There</span> the prisoners rest together; they hear not the voice of the oppressor.</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.19">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="19"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">19 </span><span style="color: magenta;">The small and great are there</span>; and the servant <span class="clarityWord">is</span> free from his master.</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.20">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="20"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">20 </span>Wherefore is<span style="color: black;"> <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote8" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=20a"><strong><span style="color: black;">light</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;"> given to him that is in <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>b</marker></sup></span></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote9" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=20b"><strong><span style="color: black;">misery</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;">, and life unto the bitter <span class="clarityWord">in</span> soul;</span></strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.21">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="21"><strong><span style="color: black;"> </span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;"><span class="verse">21 </span>Which long for <sup class="studyNoteMarker"><marker>a</marker></sup></span></strong><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/job/3?lang=eng#" id="footnote10" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/footnote?lang=eng&volumeUri=ot&bookUri=job&chapterUri=3&noteID=21a"><strong><span style="color: black;">death</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: black;">, but it <span class="clarityWord">cometh</span> not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures;</span></strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.22">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="22"><strong> </strong></a><strong><span class="verse">22 </span>Which rejoice exceedingly, <span class="clarityWord">and</span> are glad, when they can find the grave?</strong></div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.23">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="23"> </a><span class="verse">23 </span><span class="clarityWord">Why is light given</span> to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.24">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="24"> </a><span class="verse">24 </span>For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.25">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="25"> </a><span class="verse">25 </span>For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.26">
<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="26"> </a><span class="verse">26 </span>I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.</div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.26">
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<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.26">
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<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.26">
There are so many amazing lessons from these 26 verses. I just love reading scripture that brings peace to my soul and confirms what I believe. </div>
<div uri="/scriptures/ot/job/3.26">
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Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-78655062305035329752013-02-26T13:23:00.001-08:002013-02-27T12:53:27.638-08:00Christmas 2012<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This year we did a low-key Christmas. It was so fun seeing Arianna rip open the presents and get excited! Santa brought her the double stroller and the twin baby bed. She LOVED it and didn't want to open anymore presents. She was content with what she already had. What a good example to all of us. There were about 6 presents that got left under the tree for 3 days until she decided to open them. Silly little girl. </div>
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Notice all the pics of Zues I posted them because I kinda miss that little annoying dog. We had to finally give him a new home (which consisted of taking him to the pound). I was going to put him on Craigslist but he did some horrible things that upset Clayton so much he lost it and just took him to the pound. I hope he is doing good that is a better dog for them then he was for us. </div>
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Grandma and Grandpa came over to watch Arianna open her presents. It was fun to have them here. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifwLnAzCeKhczas1D8lQE1jbhLUsCguCY9nLFlEpKljkAFI1dQv3Zq5drsFHAhrCiezYc-sJ4jPpk8cQmAgsWjiRpauTDjP_lVe4sQsWusCu4QoZBFKETYdFyInA5AtAFmYJv23lhLLZc/s1600/P1000871.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifwLnAzCeKhczas1D8lQE1jbhLUsCguCY9nLFlEpKljkAFI1dQv3Zq5drsFHAhrCiezYc-sJ4jPpk8cQmAgsWjiRpauTDjP_lVe4sQsWusCu4QoZBFKETYdFyInA5AtAFmYJv23lhLLZc/s320/P1000871.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Arianna playing with all her new toys in her room. And her cute new Christmas outfit.</div>
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Of corse what would Christmas be without it including all my children. So here is the memorial we set up in December's behalf for her first Christmas. </div>
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Below is a picture I got from an amazing woman named: McKenna. She is so sweet and so thoughtful. I hardly know her (she's Jessica's friend who I go to the park with and have gone walking with a handful of times) she has been absolutely amazing. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOggOJjtCSkyj3Cpi5NMxUYXvpmbG6hyphenhyphenky8v5tkCu1WazydWqOHfUZMaO9nc9YZ8H3oIBreta_K-xErMt7tX5ctZU38lj9lKXwsXv9vz8eAt4HO0qBgm-vJU86FD4tv5epsrxy8bW8A3U/s1600/P1000856.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOggOJjtCSkyj3Cpi5NMxUYXvpmbG6hyphenhyphenky8v5tkCu1WazydWqOHfUZMaO9nc9YZ8H3oIBreta_K-xErMt7tX5ctZU38lj9lKXwsXv9vz8eAt4HO0qBgm-vJU86FD4tv5epsrxy8bW8A3U/s320/P1000856.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is a beautiful picture from Mamma Joan. She got it at the Dickens Festival and had the painter sign the bottom. Both of these pictures are hanging up on my wall. </div>
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I have some amazing and wonderful people in my life, who I LOVE with all my heart. I'm so thankful to fantastic family and friends who listen to me and have empathy. I know that God looks down upon them and smiles. Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-47823451600311975282013-02-26T12:37:00.002-08:002013-02-26T12:39:31.122-08:00Fostering<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1lddrj1MLqJ0RvkirWUiNrH2LlEbeYhnv9PTux98rcTN7tPrdmnitSPVTHmkrBY39NzVHHG8eISfMPfv5exj84g9CIzaDGuTKJgosEkEAaeqN7ZoSPS5H5nmPWIVj5uUpva5tgP4Z7s/s1600/Strength.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1lddrj1MLqJ0RvkirWUiNrH2LlEbeYhnv9PTux98rcTN7tPrdmnitSPVTHmkrBY39NzVHHG8eISfMPfv5exj84g9CIzaDGuTKJgosEkEAaeqN7ZoSPS5H5nmPWIVj5uUpva5tgP4Z7s/s320/Strength.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We are almost "official" to Foster Adopt. We only have 1 more week of training and a home study then we can begin. My emotions are crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready and can handle it. Other times i think to myslef "are you sure you want to do this". The classes have been great to get us to know what to expect... well sort of... as much as they can. It also opened my eyes to how much these poor kids had to go through (by the hands of others) to be in the place they are now. </div>
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I still get sick to my stomache when I read or hear or see what some of these kids have been through but I find it amazing how strong they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have a consistant loving mom and dad who took care of your every need and most of your wants. It breaks my heart that the most innocent and helpless individuals are abused and hurt by the hands of adults. It would take me a LONG time to trust anyone and to be able to see that the world isn't all bad. I just hope and pray God will give us strength and understanding to help any and all the children we will recieve. </div>
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As I was looking at a site for parents who have lost their children I found these amazing words of strength. How perfect do they fit for both me and the children who we will get to foster. I'm so greatful to a husband who wants this just as much as me. I was afraid I was going to be the one pushing this along but I find him pushing me more then I'm pushing him. What an amazing man to be willing to open his heart and arms to these amazing children who need a strong male figure in thier lives. </div>
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There were many things that have lead us to this point. </div>
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*The first is when December passed I had this overwhelming feeling that we needed to adopt older children. It's so weird because we have always talked about infant adoption. When we were first married I played a "trick" on Clayton after going to the OBGYN and I told Clayton that the Dr. said I will never be able to have children. I wanted to get a rise out of him and I expected him to get upset. But he just calmly said "Ok we will adopt". Then after our 3 miscarriages we were seriously looking into adoption and even sent in papers but it didn't pan out and we ended up having Arianna. So anyway we have both always been excieted to adopt, but we always thought of adopting infants. Why would we want to adopt anyone other then an infant... right. But while we were still in the hospital after December died I KNEW we needed to look into adopting older children. There was just this ever increasing feeling that this is where we needed to direct our lives. </div>
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* 2nd I started reading and learning about Joseph Smith and his history and found out that Joe and Emma took in "orphans" all the time. There house was FULL of children and altho they never adopted any (except for the twins) they considered them their kids. One diary of a young woman and her brother noted that after her mom and dad died Emma and Joeseph took in her and her brother. They treated them like family and when Emma was asked about her famliy she added these 2 kids into "her family". I first read this book to gain insight of the woman Emma was and the massive trials she faced but I learned so so much more. This knowledge of Emma and Joeseph's love and care for chlidren made my desires even stronger to reach out to Fostering. </div>
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* I have done much, much praying and soul searching about this and I have a sure knowledge that this is where God needs us to be. I dont know what that will entail or how quickly it will take affect but I'm here and willing for whatever is placed in my path. </div>
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I know that December HAD to go. I know that she had a plan that consisted of her helping beyond the veil. I know that she died to help us along the path that God wants for Clayton, Arianna and I. I know that my December Grace has touched the lives of others. I believe that she has done more in her tiny life span then most will ever do in their lifetime. That is the power of God. God knows what needs to happen and when and why, it's our duty to follow with faith. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6vWvmR2yx1npL6ey41V7yKw1-j_5nqyhH6sOjqEaEaLIE5RaRzAyncnw-VYe52KVbytuqwSsRs0KwkxQCfcYmnqG8dmBQitDps2rWQpkzzTIEt9NukG4hUFl1a3n446lf4AaIqXBkqKs/s1600/Strong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6vWvmR2yx1npL6ey41V7yKw1-j_5nqyhH6sOjqEaEaLIE5RaRzAyncnw-VYe52KVbytuqwSsRs0KwkxQCfcYmnqG8dmBQitDps2rWQpkzzTIEt9NukG4hUFl1a3n446lf4AaIqXBkqKs/s320/Strong.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Even though I'm strong I still need a good cry. I need a strong shoulder to cry on and I need a loving friend to ask me how i'm holding up. We all need this and I'm going to try my best to be better at it now that I know how much it's needed. I'm sorry for all those who I have hurt or fell short of aknowleging their pain. I'm sorry for the akward silence because I didn't know what to say. I'm learning to be better and I hope you can forgive me for my past. Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-75820926115587600642013-02-08T20:13:00.000-08:002013-02-08T20:13:57.880-08:003 Month's Today's the 3 month mark of our December Grace leaving us. Things have gotten much easier to handle and life is almost back to normal. I can finally talk about her without breaking down and crying. I still miss her and wish she could be here but knowing that she will be mine forever and I will get to raise her in the 2nd coming has calmed my aching heart so much. I feel so blessed she chose me to help her on her eternal journey. I'm so overwhelmed by the joy that she has already made it to the Celestial kingdom. I'm finally ok with where my life is going and i'm learning to trust the lord even when... no especially when he doesn't make sense. There will always be a hole in my heart that only she can fill, I can't wait to see her again with body and spirit together never to seperated again. I'm crossing my fingers and praying Jesus comes really really soon. I wanna see my baby!!!<br />
<span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;"></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">"I know I'll see the sun shine bright </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">upon my baby's face.... </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">When I finally get to heaven, </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">all my pain will be erased.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">We'll soar the skies together, </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">as angels two by two. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">We'll have a sweet reunion,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">this mother's dream come true!" </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: Georgia;">~Unknown</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></div>
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;"></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Don't let them say, I wasn't born</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">That
something stopped my heart</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">I
felt each tender squeeze you gave</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">I've
loved you from the start.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Although
my body you can't hold,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">It
doesn't mean I'm gone.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">This
world was worthy, not, of me</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">God
chose that I move on.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">I
know the pain that drowns your soul,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">What
you are forced to face.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">You
have my word, I'll fill your arms</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Someday
we will embrace.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">You'll
hear that it was "meant to be,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">God
doesn't make mistakes"</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">But
that won't soften your worst blow..</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Or
make your heart not ache.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">I'm
watching over all you do,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">another
child you'll bear.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Believe
me when I say to you,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">That
I am always there.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">There
will come a time, I promise you</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">When
you will hold my hand,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Stroke
my face and kiss my lips</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">And
then you'll understand.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
<br />
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Although,
I've never breathed your air,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">Or
gazed into your eyes..</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">That
doesn't mean I never "was"</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br /><span style="color: purple;">
</span></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">An
Angel Never Dies........ </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: purple;">~Unknown<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">
</span></div>
Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-64289959083919519562013-01-20T19:47:00.000-08:002017-10-24T09:31:58.102-07:00Test ResultsAfter December passed my Dr. did a whole bunch of tests on me. Many of which we have already done and some new ones. All those tests came back perfect and fine. I was talking to Tyler (Amber's husband) who's going to nursing school. They just finished the OBGYN part of the program and had a special speaker come in. The special speaker had many many problems with pregnancy and her children after they came and they found out she had problems with her protein C&S and also was compound heterozygeous for the MTHFR gene mutation. I had my Dr. run these tests on me because they hadn't been done before. The protein C&S came back normal but the MTHFR came back heterozygous. <br />
<br />
So with all the hundred's of tests we've done (not to mention the thousands of dollar's spent) the only thing that has come back abnormal are: my testosterone levles are on the high side of normal and now we have found out that i'm heterozygous for the MTHFR gene mutation. So what do these things mean? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! Lots of women (especially in Itally) have high testosterone levels it doesn't mean anything except that you have a higher sex drive and like "thrill seeking" activities. Both of which are very true for me. I don't have PCOS and according to my research: "Women can also benefit from midrange to high levels of testosterone. Mid to high range levels help improve a woman's sexual appetite as well as improve mood. Some women who have high levels of testosterone may be more prone to having sons instead of daughters, due to the testosterone levels. If you are a woman who has children, all boys, it is possible your testosterone levels are high." All my other hormones are right on track and my estrogen is fine. I have periods every 27 day's on the dot, it's so predictable I can plan my vacation around it so I know that all is fine.<br />
<br />
So what about the MTHFR? Here is the low down on it:
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">People
with MTHFR gene mutations can have a decreased ability to metabolize folic acid
and other B vitamins. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>Different MTHFR Mutations</strong></span><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
With MTHFR, there are two different genes identified for this mutation, and
it's possible to be "heterozygous," "compound
heterozygous," or "homozygous." According to the information I
have found, the order of potential severity from most to least is:<br />
<br />
1. C677T & C677T (Two C Copies - C677T Homozygous)<br />
2. C677T & A1298C (One Copy of Each The C & A - Compound Heterozygous)<br />
3. <span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">A1298C & A1298C (Two A Copies - A1298C Homozygous</span>)<br />
4. C677T (One C Copy - C677T Heterozygous)<br />
5. A1298C (One A Copy - A1298C Heterozygous)<br />
<br />
The heterozygous MTHFR mutation is relatively common in the general population.
Approximately 44% of the population is heterozygous (having one copy of one of
genes) and another approximate 12% are homozygous for the MTHFR mutation (two
copies of either C677T or two copies of A1298A). Compound heterozygous and
homozygous MTHFR have the highest incidences of being linked to implantation
failure, late term miscarriages, specific birth defects and overall vascular
health. </span><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm heterozygous for the C677T mutation the 4th on the list. So </span></span></span></span></span><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">essentially i'm like 44% of the general population. Nearly half the</span></span></span></span></span><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> people in the world have what I have and it's not an issue at all. What this means to me is that instead of my body converting 100% of folic acid and certain other B vitimins it's converting about 70-80% Which is still a passing grade. This doesn't cause any problems in and of itself. As long as I take multivitimins with folic acid and B vitimins i'm covered. Which I have been taking for ummm.... 8 years now.</span> </span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong>What does the MTHFR gene do?</strong></span><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Essentially the MTHFR gene takes the folate that you consume from food or
vitamins, and breaks it down into a metabolized form that can be used by your
cells to complete protein synthesis (the building blocks of DNA). More
specifically, the gene MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydofolate Reductase) encodes the
protein MTHFR. Its job is to convert one form of folate (5,10-
Methylenetetrahydofolate) to another form of folate (5-Methyltetrahydrofolate).
5-Methyltetrahydrofolate is used to convert Homocysteine (a "bad"
amino acid) to Methionine (a "good" amino acid). So, if MTHFR is not
doing its job as well, homocysteine will not be converted to Methionine as
efficiently and the homocysteine will be elevated in patient’s plasma. Elevated
homocysteine has been associated with a variety of diseases (including but not
limited to cardiovascular disease, stroke, Alzheimer's, recurrent miscarriage,
etc.) and can also indicate a higher risk of DVT (deep vein thrombosis) or
blood clots (hence MTHFR is considered an inherited clotting disorder in
patients with elevated homocysteine levels). <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;">So after reading everything about MTHFR I have decided to add folate (with 5-mthf already converted) to my pre-natals. I'm sure it wont do much but it makes me feel good to know i'm doing the BEST I can. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;">After finding out everything I went to a fertility seminar with Dr. Peterson (he's the leading Dr. with infertility and multipal losses in the COUNTRY right now) He study's and practices out of U of U. He is THE #1 Dr right now and I got to see him!! After about 30 mins of me explaining my losses and pregnancy history he looked at all my tests and said "there is only one test that i want to have done". He said he sees it alot with women who have my weird history. Especially because I've had 2 losses in the 1st trimester, 2 in the 2nd trimester and now my December Grace in the 3rd. He said he wanted me to get this one test done and filled out the script right there and then. He said if this test comes back positive that along with my MTHFR could explain alot if not all of my issues. I was so excited!! We were FINALLY going to know why. There was finally going to be an answer. But after 2 weeks the test results came back and all was normal. So were still back to square one. There is NO reason for my weirdness. If there was ANYTHING wrong with me we would have found it out by now. It's just to weird! It makes my head spin. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;">I went back to my OBGYN to go through everything one more time and to check that my IUD was in correct. While I was talking to my Dr. he pretty much said in his own words. Michelle stop wasiting your time and money trying to figure something out. There is obviously a reason but right now medically we are not advanced enough to figure it out. He still believes that December passing was due to a cord accident from the Omphalocele. I had him go through all the medical reports on December and all was perfect. There was no cause and an interesting thing i found out is she measured at 32 weeks she passed at 31. When I was holding her I thought she felt larger then 31 weeks. He said it was a "freak" thing and it was completely opposite from the reason i miscarry. He thinks we will be able to have another biological child because my body can do it. He said that he has patients that their body absolutely can not do it. It's just so crazy because everything went fine with Arianna. Plus everytime I'm pregnant it's totally fine. I feel fine and everything is perfect until BAM it's not. It's just so crappy! I'm in no way shape or form ready to have the stress and anxiety of not only worrying about my children dying before 20 weeks but the ENTIRE pregnancy! I know at some point I will be willing to do that but it won't be for a LONG time. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #323232; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;">So now that you know all about my medical history you now know as much as everyone else... which is absolutely NOTHING :)</span></span></span></span></span><br />
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Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-37231117920315988742013-01-08T13:59:00.000-08:002013-01-11T21:12:19.698-08:002 Month's<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It's been 2 months since we said goodbye to our sweet baby girl: <span style="font-size: large;">December Grace Langston</span>. Her actual due date was yesterday Jan 7th. We were scheduled to induce her on Dec 31st if she didn't make her debut before then. We still miss her dearly but are learning to live life without her. We are pulling our lives back together and are able to function again. We are also learning valuable lessons of Faith and Trust. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFY89giZWvZm9BNJvLX9c-J5_qQq1mrOAvrBxZqb26MJgx3wUj1o39ZLYLJ-hRIo5rdivlKA2gxZwCT9EAl1IAgLVEns7o8ZNY52AAp_OZilx5WHJC7nAv3z8flBqT4inSFFomMdxuR9s/s1600/Angel+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFY89giZWvZm9BNJvLX9c-J5_qQq1mrOAvrBxZqb26MJgx3wUj1o39ZLYLJ-hRIo5rdivlKA2gxZwCT9EAl1IAgLVEns7o8ZNY52AAp_OZilx5WHJC7nAv3z8flBqT4inSFFomMdxuR9s/s320/Angel+1.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>
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I loved this beautiful picture. Reminds me so much of what she would probably look like at around age 2 or 3. Cute soft curls (probably a little darker) the most beautiful soft face and sparkling BLUE eyes. I like to think she has her daddy's beautiful bright blue eyes. </div>
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<span><strong><span style="color: #4b4b4b;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Little Snowdrop</span></span></span>
<br />
</strong></span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">The world may never notice </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">If
a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Or
even pause to wonder </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">If
the petals fall too soon. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">But
every life that ever forms, </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Or
ever comes to be, </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Touches
the world in some small way </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">For
all eternity. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">The
little one we long for </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Was
swiftly here and gone. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">But
the love that was then planted</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Is
a light that still shines on. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">And
though our arms are empty,</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Our
hearts know what to do. </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Every
beating of our hearts </span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: Georgia;">Says
of our love for you.</span></span></span><span style="color: #4b4b4b; font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><br />
</span><span class="textstyle01"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #4b4b4b;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;">~
Author Unknown<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEo8AjgqP0ZckQtbuwG3r33t9h1Zpz21aAK1vwo74qX0j1DX0QNLGyrRds3TaCGs4NN63CbdIQ2JXOAkrXtZocWwmU1av8AItXe07foUXXXFnaO-45MQ_s9fqemUI8qtKgQq7oNNoVCo/s1600/Goodbyes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhEo8AjgqP0ZckQtbuwG3r33t9h1Zpz21aAK1vwo74qX0j1DX0QNLGyrRds3TaCGs4NN63CbdIQ2JXOAkrXtZocWwmU1av8AItXe07foUXXXFnaO-45MQ_s9fqemUI8qtKgQq7oNNoVCo/s400/Goodbyes.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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And miss you I will until we meet again. My sweet December Grace. </div>
Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-11394750613361602042013-01-07T23:34:00.000-08:002013-01-08T14:06:14.968-08:00Being ContentI am reading some amazing books and scriptures lately and cant wait to post what im learning but for now i will leave you with this scripture:<br />
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"I know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, wether well fed or hungry, wether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him that gives me strengtth." <br />
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~
Philippians 4:12-13Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-31451226897176493742013-01-06T22:46:00.000-08:002013-01-08T14:00:46.861-08:00So Very True!!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">While searching blogs about foster adoption I ran across this woman's blog on there she had this list about Grief and Loss. I loved it and thought I would share. She is an amazingly strong woman who has and is going through the most heart-wrenching situations. Feel free to visit her site: <a href="http://worldofwinks.wordpress.com/things-i-wish-i-could-tell-people-about-grieving-infertility/">http://worldofwinks.wordpress.com/things-i-wish-i-could-tell-people-about-grieving-infertility/</a></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you would not be afraid to speak to me about what is going on in my life, and to ask what you can do to help. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">If I cry or get emotional when we talk about them, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. The fact that I have suffered has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry, and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you wouldn’t pretend that nothing is happening to me, because it is a large part of my life. I need my friends and family by my side.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day, my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Grieving and what I’m going through is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you knew that all of the “crazy” grief reactions I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected during and following what is happening to me.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over if and when I appear to be smiling or happy.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you would understand the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight…sleep all the time or not at all…want to surround myself with business or be all alone, all of which may be related to my grief.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">A birthday, anniversaries of big days, holidays, and the day I found out, are all terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about me, and if I get quite withdrawn, just know I am doing my best to cope. Please don’t try to coerce me into being cheerful or tell me that it will be better soon.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs throughout this journey. We will question things we have been taught all our lives, and hopefully come to some new understandings to include those with God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion, opinions, and beliefs without making me feel guilty.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs to ease the pain. These are just temporary crutches. The only way I can get through this grief is to experience it, and sometimes immerse myself in it. I have to hurt before I can heal.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I wish you understood that grief and difficult situations change people. I am not the same person I was before I experienced it nor will I ever be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to “get back to my old self,” you will be frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try and get to know the “new me”…maybe you will still like me.</span></li>
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Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-71964288549543347452013-01-01T23:41:00.000-08:002013-01-01T23:41:04.862-08:00December 31st<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is Jan. 1st of 2013. It's a new year full of new opportunities. I thought I would be holding and worrying about my sweet baby girl with her surgery and NICU stay by now. But she surprised us all and came 8 weeks ago without a cry or care for this world. She's our sweet angel baby now and forever... until we meet again. It's been the hardest and most sweet 2 month's of my life. Never have I felt so much heartache and peace all at the same time. She has taught us so much more then anyone could ever teach us. Her spirit has touched my soul and I will never be the same. </div>
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<br />Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-14834412825726556282012-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:002013-01-02T00:04:36.222-08:00My ChildrenWhile at my Dr's I had to get my blood drawn. The PA drawing my blood is pregnant with twins we talked about it alot when I was big and pregnant. So I asked her how her pregnancy was going, just making small talk. She told everyone she was done having kids after her first and she decided to try one more time and ended up getting pregnant with twins. She's in her older 30's and is very overwhelmed. I told her the story of when they couldn't find our 2nd child's heartbeat and we went into a clinic to get an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech (who obviously was a newby) told us we had twins and Clayton and I were overjoyed!! Then a few minutes later we got the news that she was wrong and there is only one baby in there and it's heart has stopped beating and he's only measuring at 14 weeks instead of 16.5 weeks. I laughed and said "that's probably why ultrasound tech's aren't allowed to say anything". I didn't think much of it because she was sharing stories about her life with me so I shared a story about my life with her. But after a few minutes she said she can't find a good vein and called in someone else to draw my blood. Again I didn't think much about it until I was driving home and realized I probably made her mad or sad because of my story. That was the last thing I was trying to do, I was just sharing my life just as she had done with me. I hate not talking about my life and experiences because it makes others "feel weird". Your life is yours and mine is mine, you have successfull pregnancies where I have only had 1 out of 6 be successfull. Things are different for everyone, I don't have lepracy where i can spread my "disease" onto you. I'm tired of hiding my children and pretending they didn't exist. I'm tired of only sharing the good things in my life with people. It remindes me of this poem that I found that hit the spot perfectly.<br />
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So if I talk about my experiences, please know that it's a part of me. I'm not going to hide and pretend that they didn't happen to spare you the "weird feeling". I am who I am because of my children... All my children. I'm not mad that you can create life that walks and lives and breathes on earth with ease, if anything i'm so happy it's so easy for you. Yes I wish it were me who could do that along with you but the fact is it's not that way for me. And guess what I'm OK with that, I'm ok that our lives are different. Altho I have had more grief then most I have also had more joy and love then most also. I can't even explain the feelings of the upmost joy of holding Arianna the first time she came into my arms. It was the most amazing love and happiness I have ever felt. I can't explain to you the excitement and possibilities I obsessed about each time I saw a positive pregnancy test. These things I hold so tight in my heart. My heart has had more love and pain then I ever thought possible. I can honestly say i know what the scriptures mean when they say: <br />
<h3>
<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/jer/31.13?lang=eng#12"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jeremiah 31:13</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> For I will turn their mourning into <span class="highlight">joy</span>, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their <span class="highlight">sorrow</span>.</span></h3>
<h3>
<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/16.22?lang=eng#21"><span style="font-size: x-small;">John 16:22</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> And ye now therefore have <span class="highlight">sorrow</span>: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your <span class="highlight">joy</span> no man taketh from you.</span></h3>
<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/26.30?lang=eng#29"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Alma 26:30</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> And we have suffered all manner of <span class="highlight">afflictions</span>, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our <span class="highlight">joy</span> would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/28.8?lang=eng#7"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Alma 28:8</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> And this is the account of Ammon and his brethren, their journeyings in the land of Nephi, their sufferings in the land, their sorrows, and their <span class="highlight">afflictions</span>, and their incomprehensible <span class="highlight">joy</span>, and the reception and safety of the brethren in the land of Jershon. And now may the Lord, the Redeemer of</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">all men, bless their souls forever</span><br />
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With everything we have gone through we have learned so much. We have proved oursleves over and over again. Turning our pain and sorrow into the joy of knowing God and his plan and having faith in Christ. I love how the 2nd scripture states: "and now therefore have sorrow". It drives me crazy when people say, "it will be ok". I know it will be ok because I will make it ok and I know the gospel and I have faith that I can learn from my afflictions. But it's ok for me to have sorrow!! Let me cry, let me breakdown, let me be sad! Jesus himself didn't tell people "it's fine that your loved one passed away you will see them again" NO he mourned with those that mourned, it's hard and we NEED to mourn. The one perfect thing that I was told during this great mourning in my life was "It's suppose to hurt". That was from our stake president's wife. She is amazing and understood that it's normal and ok for me to hurt and mourn. THANK YOU!!! That's what i needed to hear. I get so tired of trying to be strong for everyone. <br />
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Somehow in our society not showing emotions and putting on a fake smile makes you "strong". You see it all the time when trials and afflictions come the people who are "praised" are the ones who seem to not be affected by it. This is so wrong!! I did this for my 3 children who passed away at 17, 14 and 10 weeks. I told myself and everyone else "i'm fine" "everything's ok". I went absolutely crazy because I didn't allow myself to mourn and grieve. I know most people don't think that having a miscarriage is a big deal but if it's ever happened to you then you know it's HUGE! That is a living, breathing, growing, child with a spirit inside your body. It's all your hopes and dreams coming to a reality only to be taken from you. I like this photo that shows what women think. <br />
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Once you get the positive pregnancy test you start planning and obsessing about this beautiful human being you are creating. When it's gone you are left with nothing, and no one accepts that your child just died. Everyone expects you to get on with your life and they say "better luck next time" or " you're young you will have more". No one seems to understand that you lost so much more then a "fetus". You lost a part of you, you lost a loved child who you wanted more then anything else. Another pregnancy won't bring back your child, that was a unique human being with their own set of DNA and (in my opionin) there own unique spirit. I read a story once that a OBGYN was getting an etopic pregnancy from the fallopian tube and before the amniotic sac ruptured he saw the tiny baby moving and kicking like crazy he said that it was a teeny tiny baby with arms and legs and hands and feet but as soon as the sack ruptured and the baby's heart stopped beating it turned into and looked like what we see in the text books as a "fetus". I have read that the DNA from biological children remain in the mothers blood long after they are delivered or miscarried. I have also heard that in the church handbook for bishops under "stillbirth" it says that life begins when there is a heartbeat and movement. I completely believe this. I have had ALOT of early ultrasounds and I have seen my "little bean" moving around with a heartbeat as early as 5 weeks. Also I have heard quite a few stories about children having seen their brother's or sister's who were miscarried in dreams or visions. I believe that these little ones can tap into a world that as we grow and harden our hearts we can't even imagine. I believe that the spirit enters the body and creates "life" long before you can ever imagine. I have lots of scriptures that I can bring out to prove my point but my favorite is in Luke when Mary goes to see her cousin Elizabeth after having concieved Jesus through immaculate conception. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Luke 1: 41-44</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="verse">41 </span>And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was <sup class="studyNoteMarker">a</sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/1?lang=eng#" id="footnote48" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/chapter/footnote/default.xqy?lang=eng&volumeUri=nt&bookUri=luke&chapterUri=1&noteID=41a"><span style="font-size: x-small;">filled</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> with the Holy Ghost:</span><br />
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="42"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="verse">42 </span>And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed <span class="clarityWord">art</span> thou among <sup class="studyNoteMarker">a</sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/1?lang=eng#" id="footnote49" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/chapter/footnote/default.xqy?lang=eng&volumeUri=nt&bookUri=luke&chapterUri=1&noteID=42a"><span style="font-size: x-small;">women</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;">, and blessed <span class="clarityWord">is</span> the fruit of thy womb.</span></div>
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="43"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="verse">43 </span>And <sup class="studyNoteMarker">a</sup></span><a class="footnote" href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/1?lang=eng#" id="footnote50" rel="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/chapter/footnote/default.xqy?lang=eng&volumeUri=nt&bookUri=luke&chapterUri=1&noteID=43a"><span style="font-size: x-small;">whence</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <span class="clarityWord">is</span> this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?</span></div>
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<a class="bookmark-anchor dontHighlight" href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="44"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="verse">44 </span>For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy.</span></div>
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How can Elizabeth's babe leap for joy in her womb if her child (who is John the babtist) didn't have a spirit in his body by then? Also John the babtist and Jesus were only a few months apart in age from eachother. So John would have been about 6 months in his mothers womb and Jesus would have been just a few weeks along by then. How could Jesus' body have such an impact on these womens lives if Jesus didn't have a spirit by then? I could go on and on about all the scriptures I have learned but you have to come to know and accept these truths on your own. </div>
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I just got done watching one of the general conference talks and he points out exactly what I have always thought. He doesn't come right out and say children have life before they are born but it's in there.<br />
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<a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng">http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng</a><br />
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Protect the Children <br />
<h2 class="author">
<a href="http://www.lds.org/church/leader/dallin-h-oaks?lang=eng"> By Elder Dallin H. Oaks </a><br />
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles</h2>
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None should resist the plea that we unite to increase our concern for the welfare and future of our children—the rising generation.</div>
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<span id="article-id" style="display: none;">10491_000_28oaks</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #ffe599;">We are all under the Savior’s command to love and care for each other and especially for the weak and defenseless.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffe599;">Children are highly vulnerable. They have little or no power to protect or</span><span style="background-color: #ffe599;"> provide for themselves and little influence on so much that is vital to their well-being. Children need others to speak for them, and they need decision makers who put their well-being ahead of selfish adult interests.</span></div>
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<h2>
<span style="background-color: #ffe599;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">From the perspective of the plan of salvation, one of the most serious abuses of children is to deny them birth.</span> </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: #ffe599;">One cause of the diminishing birthrate is the practice of </span><a class="no-link-style" href="http://lds.org/liahona/2008/10/abortion-an-assault-on-the-defenseless?lang=eng"><span style="background-color: #ffe599;">abortion</span></a><span style="background-color: #ffe599;">. Worldwide, there are estimated to be more than 40 million abortions per year.<sup class="noteMarker" noteref="3"><a href="http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng#3-10491_000_28oaks">3</a></sup> Many laws permit or even promote abortion, but to us this is a great evil. Other abuses of children that occur during pregnancy are the fetal impairments that result from the mother’s inadequate nutrition or drug use.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ffe599;">There is a tragic irony in the multitude of children eliminated or injured before birth while throngs of infertile couples long for and seek babies to adopt.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: yellow;">Childhood abuses or neglect of children that occur after birth are more publicly visible. </span><br />
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These are just snipit's from his talk. The entire thing is AMAZING and I recomend you read it. </div>
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Again this post was much, much longer then I anticipated. </div>
Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-69758876704032396522012-12-30T04:34:00.000-08:002012-12-30T05:55:02.374-08:00Arianna's 2nd Birthday!! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Arianna's Birthday was on Thanksgiving this year!! I couldn't think of a more fitting birthday this year. We set her presents on the coffee table and when she woke up we pointed them out to her and she shook her whole body with enthusiam and then ran over and started opening them all. I love this age where she gets so excited and she is always saying the funniest things. </div>
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She loved all the presents and loved having her birthday. The whole day we would tell her how cool she was for having her birthday. Because her Birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year it was a busy day. We went to Clayton's parents for lunch at 1pm we all ate and had fun then we celebrated Arianna's, Granny's, and Nate's birthdays. It was alot of fun. I didn't capture many photo's. It was hard trying to be happy when my heart was so full of sorrow. December came exactly 2 weeks before Arianna's birthday. I anticipated Arianna's birthday going a little differently, but everyone pitched in and helped out and it turned out fine. Thanks to Aunt Kayleigh for making the cutest turkey cupcakes :) Then that night we went up to my parents to enjoy another thanksgiving feast. This is what you get when my parents and Clayton's parents live 30 miles from eachother :) My grandma, uncle Curtis and Kay, Stephanie and Todd, and my cousin Spencer and his wife and son were all there. It was fun and again we had a little celebration for Arianna. <br />
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Below are random pictures of our sweet Arianna! She has blessed our lives more then I can ever express!! <br />
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Looking back at all these pictures brings back so many amazing memories. When I first found out I was pregnant with her, when i saw her heart beat for the first time, when we found out she was a girl, when I held her in my arms for the very first time, waking up in the middle of the night so happy to breastfeed and take care of my crying daughter, singing her lullibies, taking care of her RSV, her first words, her first roll-over, her first standing on her legs, crawling (my least favorite stage so far), her first steps, eating handfulls of dog food and dirt, her first smile, her first giggle. There are so many things that make my heart so happy! She has been our little miracle from the very the begining. I believe every life is a miracle, but expecially her because she is my only one out of 6 that made it all the way to live on this earth. God knew what he was doing, if we didn't have Arianna we wouldn't be as progressed as we are today. Clayton and I are just head over heals in love with our sweet baby girl. </div>
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Happy Birthday Arianna!!</div>
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Some things she's into right now are:</div>
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<br />
* Saying full sentences<br />
* Saying Langston slang ie: pantaloons, drawers, lets go yo<br />
* Saying Mmmhhhhmmmm (she does this all the time it's hillarious)<br />
* "I do it all by myself" is a big one now<br />
* She has an amazing memory and will tell stories of what happened to her earlier that day. My favorite is when she re-creates her crying. ie: Amber and I went running this last Wed and Tyler watched the kids I guess she cryed the whole time I was gone so I got back and asked her what she did and here is what she told me: "I hidin under dthere (while pointing to the couch) an goin like this wa wa an saying mama. It scarry mamma. <br />
* She will go potty with no problems if she is naked and at home, otherwise it's in her diaper. Not sure why she wont go potty any more but oh well, i'm sure it will happen again in time. <br />
* We went into her 2 year appointment she weighs 23 lbs and she is now in the 10th percentile Yay!!<br />
* Some days she eats a ton but most days she hardly eats enough for a bird.<br />
* She loves other kids, especially babies<br />
* She still has her bwanket and binkey and has to have them for night night<br />
* She knows that her baby sister is in "heaben"<br />
* She knows that baby sister is an angel baby now and there's "heartbeat no more"<br />
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I'm writing this the day before I was scheduled to deliver her sister December Grace, and i'm so overwhelmed with both happiness and sorrow. I wanted her to be a big sister so bad!! That is one of the hardest things to get over. She loves babies and is always so helpful, she would have made the BEST big sister. I had so many plans for them together. I both love it and hate it when I go into Arianna's room at the back of her closet and see the matching outfits I bought for her and "baby sister". I was so excited for them to be best friends and worst enemies. But life changes and it can change in an instant. I plan on making the best out of our horrible situation and I just know that she will someday soon have both older siblings and a younger sibling. Plus we have a hand full of guardian angels to watch over our family until we can all be together again. Not many other families have that! Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-75969826420195305982012-12-18T05:41:00.000-08:002012-12-30T05:42:28.666-08:00So Sad, Yet Greatful, Very Mad, and AdoptionWe bought a storage locker (one of Clayton's new obsessions, this should help his hording...NOT) and were going through all the things. Clayton over spent by a bunch, because the locker was a dump. But while going through their stuff we ran across a poem book. One of the poems is as follows: <br />
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<u>Pissed Off</u><br />
<br />
I want to f****** drink, <br />
Shoot up, cut my f****** leg<br />
It all sounds so good<br />
Poke that needle in my arm <br />
Feel the warm rush though my veins<br />
Keep the feeling coming by cutting a little deeper<br />
Cut in my leg and watch it bleed<br />
Drink enough to not remember any of what I did<br />
Wake up and find my hot man<br />
So I can make love to him to know someone cares<br />
Then shoot up a little more, cut a little deeper, then drink some to not feel the pain and watch it bleed, and bleed and bleed. <br />
<br />
~ Author unknown<br />
<br />
This book was full of poems just like this. It broke my heart and made me feel so sad for this person. At the same time I was sad for this girls heartache I was so so so VERY happy my December Grace doesn't need to ever feel this way. She won't ever need to feel so alone and lost in the world she turns to drugs, hurting herself and sex to make her feel good. <br />
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In another poem this young lady wrote it talked about how she would cut herself and do more heroine then normal because she was hoping and praying that God would deliver her from her horrible situation. She wanted God to save her and take her away so she wouldn't have to live in this world anymore. <br />
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This struck me too. It's sad to hear and know what's going on in most peoples head as they try and figure this life out. I was greatful December doesn't need to face those challenges because she was taken way too soon. But, like always now, my thinking is never simple because as I was feeling greatful she doesn't have to suffer this life I was also mad. Mad because we found out as we were going through the locker that this young woman got pregnant by her boyfriend and now has a healthy (but funny lookin) little boy. I think that's great other people get to have everything work out, don't get me wrong, but I was mad because I saw glimpses of her life. I can pretty much guarantee she was drinking, smoking, and doing heroine through much of her pregnancy. There are pictures to prove this. Not only that but there are pictures of her little boy hanging out while her and her friends are partying. This poor little boy is watching his mommy and learning from her that what she's doing is ok. This is where it pisses me off. How can someone who is not taking care of themselves and totally destroying their body carry a child and have no issues? How can I who has only had one partner never touched anything bad and who wants and welocomes children so willingly have SOOO many issues??? No one can answer me that. Clayton and I are young healthy adults with no issues. I have to think there is a higher power and for whatever reason this is our challenge (maybe in the pre-mortal world I said hey I'll sign up to give your spirit children bodies). Or maybe it's just my problem I have to face in this life, but either way it just SUCKS!! Especially when I see and hear people destroying their bodies and thier lives who (in my opinion) aren't ready and shouldn't be having children. And they have children with such ease. They have no idea what they are creating is a complete miracle, they have no reguard for life... yet these people create life?? How does that work?? This will be on the top of my list when I see the big man because It doesn't make sense!!!! <br />
<br />
Not only that but if I were Heavenly Father I would want to send my children to the best homes to have the best chances of making it back to me. Maybe it's just me being prideful but I think Clayton and I are amazing parents. Our children no matter who or what they become will have undonditional love. They will have the foundation of the true faith and religion (altho I can't make them believe it). They will have a structured loving and accepting home. Not only that but they will have the example of parents who are head over heals in love with eachother. Things that most children don't have the opportunity to have. Clayton has said to me before "I don't get it we are awesome parents does he not trust us with his children?". That is exactly how it feels like oh crap you guys suck so I will just tease you these kids. And then I start thinking maybe we aren't as great as we think we are. In my head and heart I know that's wrong but that's how it feels. I also know that's Satan working his majic and boy how his majic dust works... but only if you let it. So then I just have to remember that there is something bigger going on and i don't understand it all nor will I ever until I'm re-united with my children and God. <br />
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I think that's why Clayton and I feel so strongly about adopting. Because in our opinion every child deserves to have a loving family they can call home. Just like every deserving couple deserves children to love them back and drive them BONKERS at times. I think that's another reason why we don't want to adopt infants. We both feel strongly about adopting older children... particually in foster care. It breaks our hearts to see children who want more then anything to have a family and don't. Most children adoptable in foster care are between the ages of 10 and 18 years old. I have fallen in love with one particular sibling pair. A young boy who will be turning 11 next month and his little sister who is 4. I'm not sure why these particular children keep coming into my mind. I even dreamed about them, and I still havn't had a dream about my sweet December Grace even tho I look at her picture every night before bed and pray that tonight I can see her, and yet I have a vivid dream about these two children. I feel like this is our next step in expanding our family and for whatever reason I feel like these two were ment to be ours. I havn't done anything about starting the foster adoption because i feel like i'm betraying December but this last week I kept getting the strongest urges to get going with the paperwork. I finally got the right number I need to call to get going with everything so that is my goal for next week is to figure out everything we need to do. I feel like this is the perfect and right thing to do. I'm scared out of my mind. I know these kids come with ALOT of baggage, emotional scars, and psycological issues. I'm scared out of my mind about raising a pre-teen boy!! But in my dream the boy was my favorite and I thought he was the "bees knees". Uuuggghhhh I hate having these strong urges and yet so much fear and a fresh open sore to deal with. Life is confusing and crazy but you gotta roll with the punches and go with your gut sometimes :) <br />
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Wow that was alot more writing then I was expecting!! Chellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02147637897038962809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688269824356970862.post-57142738498323265822012-12-13T17:19:00.003-08:002012-12-15T21:40:20.984-08:00December's Photo's<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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