Wow I can't believe it's been 4 month's since my entire world changed. I can't believe 4 month's ago I was holding my sweet baby girl in my arms and asking God WHY??? This is how I feel so much of the time. I want so bad to hold her and see her again. I still keep praying for a dream of her to keep me going but so far it hasn't been granted.
This is how I feel everyday! I can't explain how much I want to have her with me. It hurts so bad to look at the empty crib and not have her in it. I know this is a selfish desire because I know she is in a much better place (and in some aspects I'm jelous that she got to pass over this wretched world). Which is funny. I was reading in the 3rd chapter of Job and this is exactly what he was saying. I have never noticed it before but here it is:
Chapter 3
Job curses the circumstances of his birth—He asks, Why died I not from the womb?
1 After this opened Job his mouth, and
a his day.
2 And Job spake, and said,
3 Let the day a wherein I was b, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.
4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.
5 Let darkness and the a stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.
6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.
7 Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein.
8 Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning.
9 Let the stars of the twilight thereof be dark; let it look for light, but
have none; neither let it see the dawning of the day:
10 Because it shut not up the doors of my mother’s womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes.
11 Why a I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?
12 Why did the knees a me? or why the breasts that I should suck?
13 For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest,
14 With kings and counsellors of the earth, a for themselves;
15 Or with princes that had gold, who filled their houses with silver:
16 Or as an hidden untimely birth I had not been; as infants which never saw light.
17 There the wicked cease from troubling; and there the weary be at a.
18 There the prisoners rest together; they hear not the voice of the oppressor.
19 The small and great are there; and the servant is free from his master.
20 Wherefore is a given to him that is in b, and life unto the bitter in soul;
21 Which long for a, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures;
22 Which rejoice exceedingly, and are glad, when they can find the grave?
23 Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?
24 For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters.
25 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.
26 I was not in safety, neither had I rest, neither was I quiet; yet trouble came.
There are so many amazing lessons from these 26 verses. I just love reading scripture that brings peace to my soul and confirms what I believe.
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